A couple of months ago, I received a text message from a buddy of mine. He told me to check out the website: http://www.jersey101.com for the latest Bills jerseys, or ANY sports jerseys for that matter.
The moment I got home I booted up the computer, typed in the URL, and found myself a white Terrell Owens home jersey for the low cost of $39.99. Now, this was an AUTHENTIC jersey, hand-stitched, with the 50 year anniversary patch. Awesome!
2 1/2 weeks later, I get a package in the mail from Hong Kong....I eagerly rip it open and reveal the flawless jersey! "This thing is sweet," I thought to myself.
Fast-forward to Friday of that week. Dress-down day. I excitedly strap on my T.O. jersey and parade around school all morning doing the classic "Teeeeee-Ohhhhhhh" arm gesture in everybody's face. AMAZING!
Lunch time rolls around and I find myself in my buddy's classroom eating lunch. He comments on my jersey and begins to look closely at it:
"Patch is effed up..."
"What?"
"The patch. It's effed up."
"How so?"
"The 50 year anniversary patch features the classic standing red buffalo."
I look at the patch and sure enough, instead of the standing buffalo that we all know and love, there is a bull that resembles what you see on the side of a redbull can.
"Damn."
So, fellow Bills fans, three things:
1) You get what you pay for.
2) Do you still try to wear the jersey and pretend you don't know it's effed up?
3)I've tried to access the site twice since I started this blog and it comes up unavailable
and 4) Go Bills!
Bo Knerr
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
H.J. Has Arrived... Let's Talk Some Bills Football
It is with a heavy heart that I must relay the news of the death of Kristopher "Jelly" Young the blogger. My apologies to those of you who had Ralph Wilson going next in your death pool (I thought he was a lock, too). Mr. "Jelly" failed to acknowledge the fact that his blog posts would be much more entertaining if written under a radical pseudonym, and thus lacked the chops to justify his inclusion in this glorious Wagon Circle. It is an opportunity that should not be taken for granted, and his initial blog post was the token "blunts and glock in the vehicle" that earned him the boot.
With that being said, it appears there is a hole to be filled. As a retired amateur porn star turned sports blogger, I'm always ready at a moment's notice to fill that hole, standing at attention, ready to perform, dick in hand... what? Just forget about that last one. Aaanyways, I digress. Let's get to the discussions at hand.
What is there to say about Miss Krupa that hasn't yet been said? She caved in TO's confidence as easily as if it were Michael Jackson's cheekbones, and made him chiggity check himself for the first time in this blogger's recent memory. I say we start a petition to make her coach of our Buffalo Bills. Think about it: she's a fair bit of an improvement to look at compared to that action figure with a headset we have now, and would have all the guys trying their damndest to impress her. The post-game jog would be infinitely more gratifying. She would probably to do better than 7-9, and who knows, she might have Trent and the boys running and gunning better than Steve McNair and his mistress. The only thing that worries me about that idea is that if she's ass at the job, management will be tripping over themselves trying to sign her to another year, and our futility would continue. She would also make the Jills look even uglier, if that's possible.
TO has definitely made a quantum leap in the minds and hearts of us Bills fans in the last few months, as highlighted by Art Still's previous post (I did a scene with a quadruple amputee with the surname "Still", you wouldn't happen to be related?). After all these years with nought but a sniff at the playoffs, most of us just want to win, baby, and don't give a good goddamn how we do it. If it means we have to do some mental aerobics and convince ourselves that maybe TO isn't so bad after all, then so be it. I, for one, would have no problem looking at Mr. H. Jablowme in the mirror every night knowing that we all sold our souls to Drew Rosenhaus (read: the Devil), especially if it meant that we could watch some Bills football later into the winter. You may, however, have picked up on the fact that a dude that starred in such movies as "Poolside Railing" and "Pavlov's Dong" might have to go a little further than the next guy to feel any shame.
Until next time, boys, keep the recently deposed Jelly in your thoughts and prayers, and the Buffalo Bills in your hearts. More analytical posts to come, this one was just the prologue. I'll have a little time to write in the next few weeks, as I'm working craft services in a little feature film you might have heard of tentatively titled "Weapons of Ass Destruction." It's alright to be jealous, boys.
Jablowme. Out.
"I came, I saw, and I came again"
-Haywood Jablowme, Scene 3, 'The Annihilation of Julie S. Caesar'
With that being said, it appears there is a hole to be filled. As a retired amateur porn star turned sports blogger, I'm always ready at a moment's notice to fill that hole, standing at attention, ready to perform, dick in hand... what? Just forget about that last one. Aaanyways, I digress. Let's get to the discussions at hand.
What is there to say about Miss Krupa that hasn't yet been said? She caved in TO's confidence as easily as if it were Michael Jackson's cheekbones, and made him chiggity check himself for the first time in this blogger's recent memory. I say we start a petition to make her coach of our Buffalo Bills. Think about it: she's a fair bit of an improvement to look at compared to that action figure with a headset we have now, and would have all the guys trying their damndest to impress her. The post-game jog would be infinitely more gratifying. She would probably to do better than 7-9, and who knows, she might have Trent and the boys running and gunning better than Steve McNair and his mistress. The only thing that worries me about that idea is that if she's ass at the job, management will be tripping over themselves trying to sign her to another year, and our futility would continue. She would also make the Jills look even uglier, if that's possible.
TO has definitely made a quantum leap in the minds and hearts of us Bills fans in the last few months, as highlighted by Art Still's previous post (I did a scene with a quadruple amputee with the surname "Still", you wouldn't happen to be related?). After all these years with nought but a sniff at the playoffs, most of us just want to win, baby, and don't give a good goddamn how we do it. If it means we have to do some mental aerobics and convince ourselves that maybe TO isn't so bad after all, then so be it. I, for one, would have no problem looking at Mr. H. Jablowme in the mirror every night knowing that we all sold our souls to Drew Rosenhaus (read: the Devil), especially if it meant that we could watch some Bills football later into the winter. You may, however, have picked up on the fact that a dude that starred in such movies as "Poolside Railing" and "Pavlov's Dong" might have to go a little further than the next guy to feel any shame.
Until next time, boys, keep the recently deposed Jelly in your thoughts and prayers, and the Buffalo Bills in your hearts. More analytical posts to come, this one was just the prologue. I'll have a little time to write in the next few weeks, as I'm working craft services in a little feature film you might have heard of tentatively titled "Weapons of Ass Destruction." It's alright to be jealous, boys.
Jablowme. Out.
"I came, I saw, and I came again"
-Haywood Jablowme, Scene 3, 'The Annihilation of Julie S. Caesar'
Pre-season nears
As we close in on training camp in Rochester, NY it is time to start getting supremely focused on the Buffalo Bills. I believe Buffalo just recently signed their 6th and 7th round picks which shows us...its time to get serious.
Tickets have been purchased, predictions have been made, now it is time for bidness. I was going to go on a rant in this blog about Brett Favre and his stupid ass act but I fear Mr. Still will come running to his defense ala Joanna Krupa, so I'll back off that one for now. Instead I will reveal a few things I think we are in store for this season.
Five things I think (not I think I think like that moron Peter King)
1. TO will not catch the most touchdowns on the team this year. While it would be a great story, TO is ultimately just going to take pressure off Lee and allow him to have a big year. Expect Josh Reed to enjoy a nice season too.
2. Trent will have an average year. Don't get me wrong, I like the guy. I think he can manage a game because he has a good head. But does he have the arm to work with the weapons he has, remains to be seen. I look for the offense to open it up a bit, and we will see early what we are in store for.
3. The signing of Dom Rhodes is HUGE. Marshawn is an above average running back. But he and all the other running backs simply do not carry the ball like the dudes back in the day. For this reason I love having the experienced Rhodes in the backfield. I think he could eventually carry the rock 15 times a game because sometimes my belief in Marshawn starts to wane. Oh and don't forget about that Freddy Jackson cat.
4. Hopeful for breakout years from Corner and McKelvin. These two better have big years because Buffalo can't generate a pass rush for their lives and I don't see that getting any better this year. Two words - High Motor.
5. Charlotte is going to be Nuts. GO BILLS!!!
Tickets have been purchased, predictions have been made, now it is time for bidness. I was going to go on a rant in this blog about Brett Favre and his stupid ass act but I fear Mr. Still will come running to his defense ala Joanna Krupa, so I'll back off that one for now. Instead I will reveal a few things I think we are in store for this season.
Five things I think (not I think I think like that moron Peter King)
1. TO will not catch the most touchdowns on the team this year. While it would be a great story, TO is ultimately just going to take pressure off Lee and allow him to have a big year. Expect Josh Reed to enjoy a nice season too.
2. Trent will have an average year. Don't get me wrong, I like the guy. I think he can manage a game because he has a good head. But does he have the arm to work with the weapons he has, remains to be seen. I look for the offense to open it up a bit, and we will see early what we are in store for.
3. The signing of Dom Rhodes is HUGE. Marshawn is an above average running back. But he and all the other running backs simply do not carry the ball like the dudes back in the day. For this reason I love having the experienced Rhodes in the backfield. I think he could eventually carry the rock 15 times a game because sometimes my belief in Marshawn starts to wane. Oh and don't forget about that Freddy Jackson cat.
4. Hopeful for breakout years from Corner and McKelvin. These two better have big years because Buffalo can't generate a pass rush for their lives and I don't see that getting any better this year. Two words - High Motor.
5. Charlotte is going to be Nuts. GO BILLS!!!
Friday, July 3, 2009
In Defense of Joanna Krupa
Warning: The completely tasteless thoughts and pretentious opinions expressed by Art Still in the following paragraphs may contain crude vulgarity, brazen assertions that may or may not be founded, and perpetual references to himself in the third person. If you are offended or annoyed by any of these possibilities, Art Still doesn't give a fuck.
In the matter of one single hour-and-a half program, Joanna Krupa transformed herself from a supermodel that no one in Western New York had even heard of into public enemy number one in Bills Nation. The Polish ice-queen berated her "Superstars" teammate, Buffalo's magnanimous favorite son Terrell Owens, throughout the entirety of the ABC special. She laid several F-notes on America's viewing public, and did not hesitate to let spectators at home know who was to blame for the team's early bereavement from the show. T.O. faced an unrelenting barrage of insults so invective and cruel, that somehow the beleaguered wide receiver found himself in a position that he had never before been in: America felt sympathy for Terrell Owens.
Now, Art Still is one of the few true mother fuckers still out there that hasn't changed his opinion regarding the heaping pile of shit dressed in raging biceps and a sizzling 8-pack that is Terrell Owens, just because he is playing for his beloved Bills. The all-pro wide out went from being a selfish, conniving, dickhead with the social self-awareness of a Subcon assembly line worker in the collective eyes of most Bills fans, to a hard-working, dedicated teammate who is merely misunderstood and taken advantage of by the media - and all in the less than an hour it took for the news of the player's signing to sweep across Western New York.
So, does Art Still think the T.O. signing was a mistake? Hell No!!! He will provide a kick-in-the ass that the Bills' locker room has needed and hasn't felt since Machine Gun Kelly was hosting coke-binge and woman-beating parties at his house every weekend and Bruce was passing out piss-drunk on the shoulder of Va-64! He will improve the offense, assuming that Langston Walker's dumpy ass can keep Trent on his feet. That being said, Art Still remains steadfast in his belief that T.O. is a complete and total DICK.
As for Joanna Krupa, she is an unmitigated cunt-fart, and she is Polish, but Art Still, for one, saw absolutely nothing wrong with her criticisms of the Buffalo receiver, and Art Still has three compelling reasons for his conviction. First and foremost, Krupa is smoking-hot. She, Ali Landry, the pretty little number from that home makeover show, and the skier's rockin' bezongas are the only reasons to even tune into the mind-numbing hour-and-a half show. Art Still refuses to feel bad for T.O.'s stupid ass because a gorgeous supermodel is being "mean" to him. If it were Rosie O'Donnell's fat fucking sickening ass, hideous visage, and irritating voice abusing him, Art Still would be leading the scientific funding to develop an electric chair large enough to hold her obese ass. Joanna Krupa is insanely hot, however, and any dude that tells you he doesn't cater to, have double standards for, and treat hot snatch differently than ugly snatch is either a liar or a butt-pirate. And Art Still don't mess around with that shit.
Secondly, Krupa may have been an absolute bitch, but she made a few solid points. For example, she contemplated aloud "What do they pay him millions for? He is no athlete!" Now, if your first experience of T.O. was him trapped in a rope obstacle, squirming around like Muhammad Ali having a seizure, you would wonder the same exact thing. Art Still saw that obstacle course, and he guarantees he could whoop T.O.'s ass across those ropes. What does Joanna Krupa get paid millions for? To look fucking hot, and she did not disappoint in that blue sports bra and black spandex!
Finally, T.O. looked like a fucking pussy for not defending himself. The best he could come up with was "I feel bad for your boyfriend." Really Terrell? You feel bad for the guy that gets to have sex with that woman? Good one. Asshole. Maybe hearing that whore coming at him with such ferocity made him feel bad about following Jeff Garcia, Donovan McNabb, and Tony Homo around on the sidelines, raping their ears with the same type of bullshit. In fact, maybe we should thank Joanna - maybe she changed T.O., and we won't have to worry about him throwing Trent under the proverbial bus this year.
In conclusion, all of you ignoramuses out there, gushing about how much of a twat Joanna Krupa is, just think back to last year at this time and what your opinion of T.O. was. Just because he is in the red, white, and blue is not a reason to look past the fact that he is an egotistical prick that has been a festering shanker on the underside of the dick of every team he has been a part of. Art Still knows he will not sacrifice his benevolence and renege on his abstemious virtues, just because Owens suits up for the team he loves. There is no way in Hell Art Still will ever love Terrell Owens. Art Still is too steadfast in his convictions - T.O. would have to do something out-of-this world to sway Art Still. Like catch 10 touchdowns this season, and carry the Bills to the playoffs. Or catch a week one touchdown in Tom Brady's faggot face. Or make his first appearance donning a Bills jersey in the Hall-of-Fame Game. Alright! Fuck it! Art Still is as bankrupt of integrity as the rest of you beer swilling, Buffalo loving cocksuckers.... TEE - OHH TEE - OHH TEE - OHH!!!!!!
Go Bills.
Art Still
In the matter of one single hour-and-a half program, Joanna Krupa transformed herself from a supermodel that no one in Western New York had even heard of into public enemy number one in Bills Nation. The Polish ice-queen berated her "Superstars" teammate, Buffalo's magnanimous favorite son Terrell Owens, throughout the entirety of the ABC special. She laid several F-notes on America's viewing public, and did not hesitate to let spectators at home know who was to blame for the team's early bereavement from the show. T.O. faced an unrelenting barrage of insults so invective and cruel, that somehow the beleaguered wide receiver found himself in a position that he had never before been in: America felt sympathy for Terrell Owens.
Now, Art Still is one of the few true mother fuckers still out there that hasn't changed his opinion regarding the heaping pile of shit dressed in raging biceps and a sizzling 8-pack that is Terrell Owens, just because he is playing for his beloved Bills. The all-pro wide out went from being a selfish, conniving, dickhead with the social self-awareness of a Subcon assembly line worker in the collective eyes of most Bills fans, to a hard-working, dedicated teammate who is merely misunderstood and taken advantage of by the media - and all in the less than an hour it took for the news of the player's signing to sweep across Western New York.
So, does Art Still think the T.O. signing was a mistake? Hell No!!! He will provide a kick-in-the ass that the Bills' locker room has needed and hasn't felt since Machine Gun Kelly was hosting coke-binge and woman-beating parties at his house every weekend and Bruce was passing out piss-drunk on the shoulder of Va-64! He will improve the offense, assuming that Langston Walker's dumpy ass can keep Trent on his feet. That being said, Art Still remains steadfast in his belief that T.O. is a complete and total DICK.
As for Joanna Krupa, she is an unmitigated cunt-fart, and she is Polish, but Art Still, for one, saw absolutely nothing wrong with her criticisms of the Buffalo receiver, and Art Still has three compelling reasons for his conviction. First and foremost, Krupa is smoking-hot. She, Ali Landry, the pretty little number from that home makeover show, and the skier's rockin' bezongas are the only reasons to even tune into the mind-numbing hour-and-a half show. Art Still refuses to feel bad for T.O.'s stupid ass because a gorgeous supermodel is being "mean" to him. If it were Rosie O'Donnell's fat fucking sickening ass, hideous visage, and irritating voice abusing him, Art Still would be leading the scientific funding to develop an electric chair large enough to hold her obese ass. Joanna Krupa is insanely hot, however, and any dude that tells you he doesn't cater to, have double standards for, and treat hot snatch differently than ugly snatch is either a liar or a butt-pirate. And Art Still don't mess around with that shit.
Secondly, Krupa may have been an absolute bitch, but she made a few solid points. For example, she contemplated aloud "What do they pay him millions for? He is no athlete!" Now, if your first experience of T.O. was him trapped in a rope obstacle, squirming around like Muhammad Ali having a seizure, you would wonder the same exact thing. Art Still saw that obstacle course, and he guarantees he could whoop T.O.'s ass across those ropes. What does Joanna Krupa get paid millions for? To look fucking hot, and she did not disappoint in that blue sports bra and black spandex!
Finally, T.O. looked like a fucking pussy for not defending himself. The best he could come up with was "I feel bad for your boyfriend." Really Terrell? You feel bad for the guy that gets to have sex with that woman? Good one. Asshole. Maybe hearing that whore coming at him with such ferocity made him feel bad about following Jeff Garcia, Donovan McNabb, and Tony Homo around on the sidelines, raping their ears with the same type of bullshit. In fact, maybe we should thank Joanna - maybe she changed T.O., and we won't have to worry about him throwing Trent under the proverbial bus this year.
In conclusion, all of you ignoramuses out there, gushing about how much of a twat Joanna Krupa is, just think back to last year at this time and what your opinion of T.O. was. Just because he is in the red, white, and blue is not a reason to look past the fact that he is an egotistical prick that has been a festering shanker on the underside of the dick of every team he has been a part of. Art Still knows he will not sacrifice his benevolence and renege on his abstemious virtues, just because Owens suits up for the team he loves. There is no way in Hell Art Still will ever love Terrell Owens. Art Still is too steadfast in his convictions - T.O. would have to do something out-of-this world to sway Art Still. Like catch 10 touchdowns this season, and carry the Bills to the playoffs. Or catch a week one touchdown in Tom Brady's faggot face. Or make his first appearance donning a Bills jersey in the Hall-of-Fame Game. Alright! Fuck it! Art Still is as bankrupt of integrity as the rest of you beer swilling, Buffalo loving cocksuckers.... TEE - OHH TEE - OHH TEE - OHH!!!!!!
Go Bills.
Art Still
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