In Defense of Joanna Krupa

Warning: The completely tasteless thoughts and pretentious opinions expressed by Art Still in the following paragraphs may contain crude vulgarity, brazen assertions that may or may not be founded, and perpetual references to himself in the third person. If you are offended or annoyed by any of these possibilities, Art Still doesn't give a fuck.

In the matter of one single hour-and-a half program, Joanna Krupa transformed herself from a supermodel that no one in Western New York had even heard of into public enemy number one in Bills Nation. The Polish ice-queen berated her "Superstars" teammate, Buffalo's magnanimous favorite son Terrell Owens, throughout the entirety of the ABC special. She laid several F-notes on America's viewing public, and did not hesitate to let spectators at home know who was to blame for the team's early bereavement from the show. T.O. faced an unrelenting barrage of insults so invective and cruel, that somehow the beleaguered wide receiver found himself in a position that he had never before been in: America felt sympathy for Terrell Owens.

Now, Art Still is one of the few true mother fuckers still out there that hasn't changed his opinion regarding the heaping pile of shit dressed in raging biceps and a sizzling 8-pack that is Terrell Owens, just because he is playing for his beloved Bills. The all-pro wide out went from being a selfish, conniving, dickhead with the social self-awareness of a Subcon assembly line worker in the collective eyes of most Bills fans, to a hard-working, dedicated teammate who is merely misunderstood and taken advantage of by the media - and all in the less than an hour it took for the news of the player's signing to sweep across Western New York.

So, does Art Still think the T.O. signing was a mistake? Hell No!!! He will provide a kick-in-the ass that the Bills' locker room has needed and hasn't felt since Machine Gun Kelly was hosting coke-binge and woman-beating parties at his house every weekend and Bruce was passing out piss-drunk on the shoulder of Va-64! He will improve the offense, assuming that Langston Walker's dumpy ass can keep Trent on his feet. That being said, Art Still remains steadfast in his belief that T.O. is a complete and total DICK.

As for Joanna Krupa, she is an unmitigated cunt-fart, and she is Polish, but Art Still, for one, saw absolutely nothing wrong with her criticisms of the Buffalo receiver, and Art Still has three compelling reasons for his conviction. First and foremost, Krupa is smoking-hot. She, Ali Landry, the pretty little number from that home makeover show, and the skier's rockin' bezongas are the only reasons to even tune into the mind-numbing hour-and-a half show. Art Still refuses to feel bad for T.O.'s stupid ass because a gorgeous supermodel is being "mean" to him. If it were Rosie O'Donnell's fat fucking sickening ass, hideous visage, and irritating voice abusing him, Art Still would be leading the scientific funding to develop an electric chair large enough to hold her obese ass. Joanna Krupa is insanely hot, however, and any dude that tells you he doesn't cater to, have double standards for, and treat hot snatch differently than ugly snatch is either a liar or a butt-pirate. And Art Still don't mess around with that shit.

Secondly, Krupa may have been an absolute bitch, but she made a few solid points. For example, she contemplated aloud "What do they pay him millions for? He is no athlete!" Now, if your first experience of T.O. was him trapped in a rope obstacle, squirming around like Muhammad Ali having a seizure, you would wonder the same exact thing. Art Still saw that obstacle course, and he guarantees he could whoop T.O.'s ass across those ropes. What does Joanna Krupa get paid millions for? To look fucking hot, and she did not disappoint in that blue sports bra and black spandex!

Finally, T.O. looked like a fucking pussy for not defending himself. The best he could come up with was "I feel bad for your boyfriend." Really Terrell? You feel bad for the guy that gets to have sex with that woman? Good one. Asshole. Maybe hearing that whore coming at him with such ferocity made him feel bad about following Jeff Garcia, Donovan McNabb, and Tony Homo around on the sidelines, raping their ears with the same type of bullshit. In fact, maybe we should thank Joanna - maybe she changed T.O., and we won't have to worry about him throwing Trent under the proverbial bus this year.

In conclusion, all of you ignoramuses out there, gushing about how much of a twat Joanna Krupa is, just think back to last year at this time and what your opinion of T.O. was. Just because he is in the red, white, and blue is not a reason to look past the fact that he is an egotistical prick that has been a festering shanker on the underside of the dick of every team he has been a part of. Art Still knows he will not sacrifice his benevolence and renege on his abstemious virtues, just because Owens suits up for the team he loves. There is no way in Hell Art Still will ever love Terrell Owens. Art Still is too steadfast in his convictions - T.O. would have to do something out-of-this world to sway Art Still. Like catch 10 touchdowns this season, and carry the Bills to the playoffs. Or catch a week one touchdown in Tom Brady's faggot face. Or make his first appearance donning a Bills jersey in the Hall-of-Fame Game. Alright! Fuck it! Art Still is as bankrupt of integrity as the rest of you beer swilling, Buffalo loving cocksuckers.... TEE - OHH TEE - OHH TEE - OHH!!!!!!

Go Bills.

Art Still